If you would peeped at the last entry of this blog, it back dated 2003. The days whereby i really hate. Now, it's 5 years later, i tink more or less it's happening again =X Except, i'm better off in some ways. The trade off was that that time i had peace, a innocent sec 2 kiddo going to sec 3, who knows nothing much of this world.
But now, it's different. A gal of my dreams, my NS life and my other commitments like piano and band. All these make up my life.. i realise somehow maybe it's juz a dark part of our life. But.. i find it very hard to deal with you. Ya, yesh, you. The reason why everyone is so crazy about, my love.
NS? I've braved the storms for like so long. Somehow, i've gotten used to the fact that NSF like us get 2 kinds of treatments, (1) horrible, becoz they juz tink we serve and f off. (2) treat us like proper human beings. Heart vs the brain? Seriously, i have no comments. When has the heart ever play a part in war?
Piano and band flows my life. Though i m tired, i will try to fulfill my 'memorising' of the score. Maybe i haven't been putting effort into them becoz no 1 really sees into it.
But i probably forgot or fatigue erased the word "love music making"
I really hate to mention this. Probably, i also dun like to say it to you in your face, but you're hurting me. =( Unfortunately.. no matter how much you smile, i always get hurt 2 times as badly. Perharps, becoz of the fact that i'm too close to you. You are then in a daze of what to do next, while battling wif your conscience of your mummy and granny's advice. If you ask me, i also dun really know. I know, they are important, me also, however, they are most important still. After all, i can only give u the stupid answer of you've been avoiding me so what difference is now and a few months back?
That is why i say i hurt you too. =(
I'm at a loss. Everytime i try to separate you out, make u angry or something so much so that you'll hate me.. i worry for you then. I scared becoz of what i did, your life will turn into a nightmare as well. I can't do what ur father did. =( i'm not him. But, i'm not saying he's right or wrong. He might have his reasons for doing so ( i know you'll find me stupid for me giving the cock excuse of protecting u or stuff liddat- but who knows? ) I dun wan to touch on ur dad le.
What a dam loser i m rite? Screwing up ur life then making it up..
You dun have a say in this, but i'm really sorry. I know how many apologies can't b said for everything you've been. I know you've been happy all these while, but i really can't do what you want me to.
"How could i pretended you never existed? "
Look at you, from the Qian's email address you already got jealous. Can i not feel anything? =( I don't wan you to wait too. Dan Shi.. i also dunno lahs. if i really knew, i won't b like this.
Forgive me, love.
What events do you feel like hearing then? Ytd didn't manage to watch "big stan" with them, dota till 3 in the morning. Record!! Played hero siege and then a intensifying match which kept me to the back of my seat. SM was really bent on killing me. Lolx, he was the strongest in his team, while i was for mine. Me, Md, CS VS Sm, Fu, Gn.
Me, juggernault, md windrunner,CS crystal maiden while SM Lord of Avenus, Fu Tide hunter, Gn Admiral Proudmore. Both sm and i were sorta using our ' best' heros. I haven't touch jugger for quite some time, so sometimes didn't manage to kill and it was the new 6.55b map we were playing on. Fu was using his best also. So when we had a 3 on 3 fight, i made a mistake not to kill sm first, so somehow sm they all killed me. Well, i regret on my mistake, coz it made me realise that no matter what, it's clear to have a aim.
I couldn't sleep after that with your sms. I was tinking whole night. 4 le i was still wide awake. Somehow i'm not that tired today you see. I dunno what happen to me sia. I wasn't bent on sleeping also. =( Totally i juz dun feel like. My mood was like "nowhere on earth". As u c, all the sms i sent then i feel like an idiot now. I'm so childish =X sowwey.
Finally finished Twilight. Would have finished it in 3 days time. I was too busy during the weekdays. I started last sat, last sunday sista stole e book, so i could only read ytd and today. So in total is 3 days. So time for the next book " new moon".
Can i book you for movie this tuesday?
Like i said, i haven't ate nicely with you since dunno when.
Meow. Sha Sha de, i know you have alot of things to tell.
But i juz piss u off so you can't say.
On top of that, you are hesitent to say them.
Juz like going Changi Airport.
Take carex. I would love to see your beautiful smile everyday.
Forgive me if i was straight forward in my words today and i didn't mean it today.
Sorry.
