Monday, October 27, 2008
8:23 AM
I realised what was missing within a few ponder of my thoughts during bathing.
I really wished ytd will come again and now we'll still be in PS. I still have tml to pass again. It felt as if i would never wanyou to leave my side again. =(
I give a lot of dumb excuses at times. It's true. Sometimes you don't even know if i'm juz mad or simply out to get you. On top of that i tink i have frustrated you beyond the point of any other guy which might have. Tomorrow is gonna be busy. Trying to empty my mind of thoughts before tomorrow begins. It's 10.15 pm now, in a matter of moments i'll b in bed and the cycle of work starts again. Well, at least it's NS now. Somehow, rather than complaining, i should try my best to make the best out of it. That's what i'm trying to do somehow. It's hard...
Remember that Zenia that time, was the time when i finally decided that sweet love was to be found. From Sec 1 to 4, i could not be convinced the fact about girls. Why they should be treated better and why they're like that. My seniors seem to put a impression on me that i'm immature and that i'm a natural repel for girls. When i found her, i thought it won't be juz another katrina, probably then i grew up from there to find you. I wan someone who is strong but still needs my support, someone who is nice but fierce at the same time, someone who can give up everything for me. It's not precisely the entire requirement or wad, but that was what i thought i guess. From my dreams wove you and when i found you, naturally you had all these.
I didn't know you were single parent till that night you finally agreed to go out with me alone remb? I didn't know you were actually quite soft till the day of the concert.. Now looking back, bu shi jing li ler man duo?
I know you wan to keep all these, but these aren't any more of use anymore. I juz look like a piece of junk now. These memories are juz like taking up space in you =(
When you appeared in my life, i didn't mind it at all. Finally some1 could share my happiness, my joy, my laughter, my sadness and my woes. Even if you aren't really that into my worries, you help by smiling. You make me very nice. Sometimes we juz get touchy over the part which you've chosen isn't it. I really dun feel like talking about it though. I never could get a reply out of it and that it pains you too. =( Sorry.
i thnik i had a nightmare ytd. It was quite scary, it's either ytd or the day before. It was like somehow i worked half day and decide to skip half day to do despatch but actually is to slack somewhere. It's like so tiring. It worried me, becoz i didn't wan to be found out, could be charged with AWOL? I didn't know how, but i juz woke up to realise today is deepavali. =.- So i think is today. Dunno how they come about, after i think about them, they vanished. These nightmares, been having quite a few always here and there. Trying very hard to stop or maybe not tink so much, but my nights haven't been that nice since you left.
Since you left...
My happiness were juz short lived. My sadness would drag and not attempt to leave. There was absolutely no reason why i should be so bothered with you, but it juz did. I was simply empty all these while.
No matter how i tried all these while, i realise i can't do much. Everyone will say, andy, you got to do this yourself. As time drags on, i'm juz draggin myself over somehow. =X Dunno what i'm tinking too. And here i sit, missing the very fact that you haven't spoken. It is empty.
Life has it's unexpected turn as well isn't it? It's always so random. Sunday got down the whole 'family' and realise Grayson needs polishing. I'm much better now, i m able to beat grayson, but with much polishing, Grayson will be back. Miss the old him too, whereby I don't have to worry about anything about him. Somehow, dunno whether he still has his 'piccolo' phobia, becoz of the syf or not. But been a year already, shouldn't be.
My neighbour has given a stack of scores which her concert pianist sista used to use. I am able to use them at the moment, but return to her when her boy reaches the appropriate grade. She keeps saying i'm talented. I feel so embarassed. Juz a plain pianist bahs for me will do. :)
We're getting cosier for Mirificus 08. Most probably i will gather a report on things to be done so that we can improve the concert. Hope my juniors lend me strength too.
Besides that, hoping for band fest i will be able to help. I will try to take my remaining off and leaves so that i can help up with ZQ if he is helping. Last year ones was nice! hahax.
Last but not least, there are still things that need to be answered. I haven't recovered i know. I dunno how either.
Today didn't do anything productive, except help mummy go NTUC in the morning at Bukit Ho Swee. It's the 1 near tiong, at havelock road. Interesting, i never been there before. After that, cuzzie they all came down, i was dota ing the whole afternoon. I realise my pals are also tired, maybe this way also might be good bahs.
But what i'm worried about is this wednesday, Chief will be back. Tomorrow night will you b free for a movie again? I really dunno what to do somehow =X (dumb me). Wednesday night, will be sectionals. Then tired thursday before finally friday where evening is NYP concert. Sat morning have piano. Sunday band again. A whole busy week's shedule's been listed already. =X busy me.
Like i said, wishing last week would repeat =X But there's so much to do.
Lost in thoughts again. Now it's blank. =X i muz b crapping for quite long.
The Vampire memories...
